Out in the open
Oh how I wish all the people would agree with me on this: SAY IT OUT LOUD.
I’m talking about this polite & secretive thing we’ve got going on when it comes to different kind of relationships. Both romantic and all the other kinds. People hide their feelings, are horrified of saying things out loud just because they’re afraid how the other person is going to react. Even if it’s something really really nice. And because of that, this kind of behaviour is considered weird and freaky. Honesty. Honestly? I don’t get it.
The reason I started thinking about this is the urge to tell this one person (let’s call her/him “human X”), that s/he seems very nice although we don’t really know each other. I would love to tell human X the following things: “you’re very talented and I admire you for that”, “you’re a beautiful human being and I would love to take lots of photos of you” or “would you be interested in spending a little time with me, cause I would really like to know you better. I bet we’d have a lot in common.” I’d love to tell human X these things to make human X feel better. To know someone’s thinking good things about her/him.
But the problem is, human X could find me saying these things weird or flirty, or just phoney. Just because it’s not the way things regarding relationships are done in the lives of normal people.
And when I actually seize the moment and catch these people’s attention by saying such things, they will suddenly fade out and disappear. I know this will most probably happen, because I’ve tried it several times. I’ve told people I like them, even shared secrets or opened myself up (not too much) to show them I trust them and like them.
So, I’m stuck with this discreet behaviour towards all the interesting people I meet. I have to chat about trivial things with them for several months, even years and most likely lose the small connection we ever had.
I admit I wouldn’t end up having an Amazing Relationship with all these human X’s. I have expectations of it happening, and in the beginning it actually might feel perfect. No matter if I got to know human X’s by being honest (which, as I said, almost never happens) or just chatting about the weather for 2 months, it could end up going terribly wrong. We might have the most boring moments together or I might realize our chemistries simply don’t work. Human X could turn out to be a jerk, thief, liar or just plain untrustworthy. Human X might just think the same about me.
But again, here’s when one should be able to be honest and tell human X: “Look, this was a good effort, but we don’t have to pretend we’re best friends. You’re a good person but I bet you’d have more fun with someone else, as would I.” Then we’d hug each other, ride into the sunset looking for new stuff to experience and be polite to each other when our paths cross the next time.
November 19th, 2009 at 17:45
Ai se en sit ookkaan mä. Hö.
November 20th, 2009 at 11:48
There’s something awkwardly familiar about this post. And very, very sad. The fear of being rejected is such a powerful and paralyzing force. (And the fact that sometimes you do get rejected in spite of being brave and open…)
I consider myself a somewhat reserved and shy person when it comes to new acquaintances. Still, sometimes I get absolutely fascinated about certain people and would like to throw caution to the wind. The results have been both good and bad. I’ve been rejected, but at times embraced.
Let me tell you a little story. I’ve known this wonderful person for three years now, and I’m still contemplating whether or not to tell him/her, that I’d like to get to know them better and that I’ve liked them a lot since the beginning of our acquaintance. Unfortunately, I have found many reasons (or excuses) why not to act. This person is working with me and I’m afraid (s)he would get embarrassed and uncomfortable if I decided to be open. Perhaps (s)he would think that I’m flirting or being pushy or blahblahblah. And then our great conversations would end and (s)he’d be afraid of me (and my unnatural behaviour).
And yet, this is such idiocy and madness! Another person whom I shared a connection with, just recenly died. Did I ever tell him how much I appreciated him and liked him? No. I was a coward and now there’s nothing left to do about it.
Thus, perhaps this “seize the moment” bullshit isn’t such a bad cliché, after all. I’d like to believe that honesty and openness can make you a lot happier than being scared. Even if everything goes wrong, at least you can say you tried.
December 5th, 2009 at 20:36
Very good concept, I like how you convey the message.
December 5th, 2009 at 22:13
Very good concept, I like how you convey the msg.